Clingy

   “You only loose what you cling to”

~The Buddha

Clingy. It is an adjective that has been strapped to me on numerous occasions. In relationships, I tend to be the one that is unable to let go. The one that seeks closure at all costs. The one that doesn’t understand why that closure can’t be given. But in life, there are so many things we can cling to other than romantic interests.

We can cling to a certain dream for the way our life should be, working tirelessly to make the pieces fit this version of ourselves that is not authentic. We can cling to a standard for ourselves that we never can obtain believing that if we work a bit harder, a bit longer we can be more, because we always need to be a bit more. We cling to skinny. We cling to wealthy. We cling to perfection.

I remember clinging to the faith of my youth. Despite my numerous doubts, despite the situations around me showing me a side I didn’t want to see, I held on tightly. Even as it slipped between my fingers I gripped harder and harder. And as it faded away I though, “I just should have believed harder.”

At some point in our lives, most of us have held onto an idea at all costs, knowing that it didn’t add up we kept fighting and fighting against reality. The problem with clinging is that you always seem to blame yourself for what could not be attained in the first place. We find ourselves saying, “If I had tried harder.” “If I had been better.”

The problem with clinging is that it does not give us a chance to hold. To feel the weight of a thing, to carry it close with the freedom of losing it, yet not bound by the fear. Today, I strive to hold my faith, to hold my vision of self, to hold my goals for life. In releasing control of them, in not letting them define my every moment, I can see their beauty for the first time.

What are you clinging to? Do you hold it or does it hold you?

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5 thoughts on “Clingy

  1. I am considered clingy as well, on every level. I stand firm in my ability to hold fast to those ideals I believe with my core self. Some like to spin the term clingy in a negative fashion. I view it more descriptively as a person able to hold on to a spinning log as it continually gets faster and more violent, knocking everyone else out, but still I “cling” to my faith that sustains my ability to grasp the log – the core log of my faith in higher wisdom and understanding.

    My ability to cling to my faith enables me to weather the storm of criticism that surround understanding something differently than others. It is like a protective bubble I wear around my head. My divine truths mute out the lies and attacks against my person and my faith. Words fail to ring in my ear unless spoken with divine honesty. It sounds insane to say but I say it because I know it is my truth. So I guess in essence I also cling to my ability to be clingy. Hehe

    I find my faith to be very ironic. I believe in peace and prosperity but I have no problem cutting people down with my personal sword of truth. And let me tell you, my words and tongue can pack quite the punch. Unfairly so.

    So I cling to my faith that allows God to guide my body in aggressive situations. When I don’t know how to peacefully put down a situation I turn my mind and my mouth over to the higher power and he puppets me through the episode. He guides my words in ways I don’t understand and speaks in truths I don’t know but know are true. It is crazy insanity when he takes control. But I love the peaceful euphoric feeling and so I cling to my knowledge He is working through me for bigger purposes.

    I could go on but I feel I’m getting to our there for most. I cling to my belief in a higher purpose for myself and for humanity. We are meant to be better and I know I was sent as a guide. I will also end with I cling to my insanity because it gives me better understanding of God. I know what I think and feel is crazy. I know it and I welcome it. Because I also know what it truly means. And that is all the knowledge I need to cling to in this life.

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    1. This is a great reflection on a more positive sense of the word, a fierce dedication that helps sustain us in the worst of storms, our stake in the ground. This is a very inspiring topic and I may write on it in the future. Reading your comments has lots of ideas floating around.

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      1. I can’t wait to hear your take on it. While I may love being able to get my point of view across, I’m addicted to hearing how people process and progress my ideas in their own creative way. I love hearing a different spin on my ideas. It always feels so comforting regardless of what people come up with because at the end up of, I inspired some thinking. 😊

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  2. Perfection. I definitely and often unfortunately cling to the idea of perfection. You remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Elsa is reaching for the Holy Grail after it has fallen onto a ledge in a chasm? I feel like that a lot. I don’t know why some of us are born with this innate drive to seek perfection, as it seems to be more trouble than it’s worth. Although, sometimes I wonder if it just naturally comes along with an artistic personality. I have to remind myself that perfect love already dwells within me (and all of us). No search is required but rather a relinquishing of inhibitions and distractions.

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