“You only loose what you cling to”
Clingy. It is an adjective that has been strapped to me on numerous occasions. In relationships, I tend to be the one that is unable to let go. The one that seeks closure at all costs. The one that doesn’t understand why that closure can’t be given. But in life, there are so many things we can cling to other than romantic interests.
We can cling to a certain dream for the way our life should be, working tirelessly to make the pieces fit this version of ourselves that is not authentic. We can cling to a standard for ourselves that we never can obtain believing that if we work a bit harder, a bit longer we can be more, because we always need to be a bit more. We cling to skinny. We cling to wealthy. We cling to perfection.
I remember clinging to the faith of my youth. Despite my numerous doubts, despite the situations around me showing me a side I didn’t want to see, I held on tightly. Even as it slipped between my fingers I gripped harder and harder. And as it faded away I though, “I just should have believed harder.”
At some point in our lives, most of us have held onto an idea at all costs, knowing that it didn’t add up we kept fighting and fighting against reality. The problem with clinging is that you always seem to blame yourself for what could not be attained in the first place. We find ourselves saying, “If I had tried harder.” “If I had been better.”
The problem with clinging is that it does not give us a chance to hold. To feel the weight of a thing, to carry it close with the freedom of losing it, yet not bound by the fear. Today, I strive to hold my faith, to hold my vision of self, to hold my goals for life. In releasing control of them, in not letting them define my every moment, I can see their beauty for the first time.
What are you clinging to? Do you hold it or does it hold you?